Friday, 25 April 2014


Haven't blogged in a while I've just been so busy with work & being ill!
Went to the doctors they've said 10-14 days with this flu and I've now got a week left till my apt to get my ears sringed .. Not being able to hear is driving me insane! My hat goes of to those of you who don't have hearing or have partial hearing full time .. I don't know how you do it.

Stephens story!
I'm so inspired by this guy he's a 19 year old living with terminal cancer. When the doctors told him it was terminal he made a bucket list of things to do before he died and out of I think it's 46 things he's done 34 (including crowd surfing in a rubber dinghy AWSOME!) but still no1 on that list was to raise £10,000 for teenage cancer trust .. He has now smashed that & at this moment of time as I write this.. The current amount is... (Drumroll please).....£2,496,482.90!!!!
After reaching £10,000 he changed his target to £1million! What I'm thinking is if we all keep on donating if we all keep spreading the word, maybe we could reach £5million before he sadly leaves us! So Google Stephens story and keep spreading the word.. Let's raise money for teenage cancer trust in Stephens name! 

It's 4:44am and I can't sleep urgh time for eastenders then i will try again :) 

Bye guys xx

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

New job!

Start my new job today! I've already been for 2 trial shifts & now today's the day I actually get paid for working.
It's at a bar, doing bar, waitressing and fun house.
I'm soo nervous! I did really enjoy my trial shifts but still I'm nervous! Proud of my self tho, I've got a proper job! 
It's only a 4 hour shift today.. Hopeing I will be in the fun house.
Then tomorrow I have a 10 hour shift! Well that's gonna kill but still I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.
:) well wish me luck :) 

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Walkers pops!

Oh em gee!!!!

Ok I'm writing this review purely because theese are my new love! 

Walkers pops original!
Trying theese was easy as I know I like the plain walkers crisps and theese walkers pops say "50% less fat"! Well that just sold it.. Walkers plain crisps but with 50% less fat!

So I tried them & instantly fell in love! The texture reminds me of snaps. And the taste is just the same was walkers ready salted but with a little bit more salt. 
I've took a likening to salt over the past year so theese crisps were perfect.

The packet is small and you don't get many in the packet so I find one bag just isn't enough and always end up buying more than one packet. 

I prefer theese over the others.

I give them a 5/5!!! 

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Dealing with Cibophobia!

(I'm not a specialist.. I have just dealt with cibophobia for many, many years) 

For those of you who don't know what Cibophobia is.. 
Here is some information from ( .. You can scroll down past the Blue writing if you wish to skip this bit. 

Cibophobia, or fear of food, is a relatively complicated phobia that can rapidly spiral into an obsession. People with this phobia are sometimes mistakenly thought to suffer from anorexia, a dangerous eating disorder. The main difference is that those with anorexia fear the effects of food on body image, while those with cibophobia are actually afraid of the food itself. 

Many signs of cibophobia are difficult to recognize, particularly in today’s health-obsessed society. If you are cibophobic, you probably avoid certain foods altogether, perceiving them to present above-average risks. Highly perishable foods such as mayonnaise and milk are common objects of fear.
Most people with cibophobia are extremely concerned with expiration dates. You might find yourself carefully sniffing products that are approaching their expiration dates, and refuse to eat anything whose date has passed by even a few hours. Even products with far-off expiration dates might be seen as suspect once they have been opened.
You may be quite concerned with the doneness of cooked foods, overcooking to the point of burning or drying. This may be particularly true for foods that you see as dangerous, such as chicken or pork.
Many people with cibophobia develop rules for eating behaviors. These rules vary from person to person, but often focus on restaurant meals, where the food’s preparation is outside of your control. You might avoid certain restaurants or individual dishes, refuse to eat seafood away from the coast or throw out leftovers after 24 hours.

Complications of Cibophobia

Untreated cibophobia often worsens, causing increasingly obsessive behaviors. Over time, you might severely restrict your diet, jeopardizing your health. You may choose to go hungry rather than eat things that you deem questionable, leading to weakness, dizziness and irritability.
The social stigma of cibophobia can be devastating as well. Humans are extremely conscious of unusual behaviors, making it difficult to hide increasingly restricted eating patterns. Your friends and relatives might suspect an eating disorder. You may feel uncomfortable in social situations such as holiday gatherings, where it would be rude not to accept food.
For as long as I can remember I have always suffered with cibophobia. 
As a child I wouldn't eat all meat (I still don't to this day). 

If I was to create a food diary It would look something like this..

Breakfast - Cereal (Rice Krispies, Cornflakes, Fosties) <- Typical children's cereal

Snack - Walkers Ready Salted Crisps/Cheese Snaps/Ready Salted Hula Hoops

Lunch - Bread and butter with some crisps

Snack - Chocolate! (I've always been a big lover of chocolate) 

Tea - Potato Waffles, Fish Fingers, Beans/Spaghetti, Potato Shapes & Bread and butter 

Snack - Toast

^ That being my food diary at about the age of  4+

I'm Now nearly 22 and my food diary looks a bit like this

Breakfast - Beans on toast 
Lunch - Beans on toast or chips
Snack - Toast 
Tea - Potato Waffles, Fish Fingers, Beans/Spaghetti, Potato Shapes & Bread and butter 
Snack - Chocolate 

So really its not changed much.. I stopped eating cereal in the breakfast although If I feel like it I will have cereal as a snack just not often. I started eating beans on toast more. My meal at tea time hasn't changed at all!  & I still Love chocolate. 

If you scan through the piece of information in blue.. 
You will see that it says.. 
Most people with cibophobia are extremely concerned with expiration dates. You might find yourself carefully sniffing products that are approaching their expiration dates, and refuse to eat anything whose date has passed by even a few hours. Even products with far-off expiration dates might be seen as suspect once they have been opened.
I don't eat food that Is out of date.. I will not eat food that goes out of date tomorrow.. So for example if a loaf of bread goes out of date on the 04/04/2014  I will not eat it, on the 04/04/2014 .. 03/04/14 Is ok but not on the actual day it goes out of date.

FAQs and things that I've had said to me.. 

You have to eat meat to keep you going! ... 
No I don't. 

Your not healthy.. 
Yes I am & yes ive seen specialists, ive seen dietitians 
I'm getting everything I need. 

How do you go out for meals?
I typically don't.. If I do I go to places where I know there will be side orders that I like.
(at one point I couldn't eat anywhere but home & I had to supervise If It wasn't me or a close family member cooking.. So I have got better) 

Your attention seeking
I wish I Was!!! Then I would have been able to stop being so afraid a long time ago and would of been able to do all those things I missed out on.. 
School dinners, Pizza with friends, Italian restaurants, ordering Chinese 

I'm skinny and at times im underweight.. I Have to keep an eye on my weight as I don't eat a lot and I love walking plus i come from a family with high metabolism. 
So on top of my fear im naturally skinny. But i'm healthy & I'm happy
& with the help of my boyfriend I am slowly over coming my fear.

It took me 10 years just to get the courage to try Pizza  (which i don't like) but I did it. 

If you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

New Blog..Dear Diary

My 2nd blog! 
I basically just wanted somewhere, Where I can sit and talk crap about how I'm feeling.
Somewhere that I know Is permanent.  (this is the internet..nothing disappears for good!) 

Ok so basically I Sat there last night thinking how lucky I am!  I believe in 'the one'. I believe in destiny, I believe that broken hearts can kill & yes I love romeo and juliet!

Ok so back in 2011 I met this amazing guy through mutual friends. One day he messaged me on the ever so popular Facebook! I had no idea who he was.. His reply "Clearly I didn't rock your world"   From that moment.. I was hooked! 

We started messaging and soon I'd do anything to spend time with him. I would always find away of meeting him. Heading to a local club Thursday, Friday & Saturday even when I was basically broke. I'd always find someone to come out with me just so I didn't look like I was a stalker. (I later found out he was doing the same). 

It wasn't long before that first kiss.  That butterfly, head spinning, world stopping first kiss. 
After that we saw each other every day. Meeting each other from work, going out for drinks. Watching films.
There wasn't a day go by that I didn't laugh. 

Things weren't great at home. My step-dad was suffering more each day fighting cancer & this guy was my rock! 

Soon after on the 3/11/11 we became a couple.  Things were amazing 7 when I lost my job in February of 2012, he was there to support me. 
He noticed things getting worse at home and we decided to get a place together just 4months after we started dating. 
The flat wasn't great, It was small, the neighbors were horrible, It was cold and It wasn't worth what we was paying, so when our 6 month contract ended we were out of there. 
We moved in with his parents in a very small room that was just about big enough for an office let alone 2 people but we made it our own. We celebrated Christmas 2012 there. 
During 2012 my step-dad passed away. 
So after Christmas of 2012 we moved in with my mom to support her and so that I knew she was OK. 
Then in October 2012 we moved into our own place again! 

We moved into a 2 bedroom flat above a shop, very affordable and just PERFECT! 

And now 02/04/14 were still in this flat. 

Everyday I laugh, every day I look at him and get butterflies. When I'm in his arms I feel like the luckiest, safest girl in the world. 
I still love him just as much as i did in 2011 (if not more) 

Over 2 years later & I still have to pinch myself to make sure this is real. I don't ever want to sleep because reality is so much better than what I could ever dream. 
He's my last thought at night and my first in the morning 

Well that's it my first entry on my new blog. I will update my other blog when I get a new nail varnish.